Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
