I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
