That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My bed smells like the plague
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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