he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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