The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
