He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
