ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
