i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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