Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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