It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
