I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
