Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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