Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
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She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
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At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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