Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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