i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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