Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
