do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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