pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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