Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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