it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im part way to drunk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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