i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
