well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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