I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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