a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
