You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
