at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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