if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
