if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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