I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
