alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
