woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You pole danced in your parka.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize