I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
