Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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