I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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