Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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