Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
