Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize
