also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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