I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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