I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
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I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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