I don't remember. Are we still dating?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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