I hate your face
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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