wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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