i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
