He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
