I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
