Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
