Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
