i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
