i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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