it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
