Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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