Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
