Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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