"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
