i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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