It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
