Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
