I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
