I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
