At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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