Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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