Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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