where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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