smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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