A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
