Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
