Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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