Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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