In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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