fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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