There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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