Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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