Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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