mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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