My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize